One thing I’m sure of about the path of creating a life you love is this: there’s a lot of learning about yourself to be done along the way!
No matter whether you’re pouring your heart into creating the business of your dreams, working at creating a beautiful home and family, or doing all you can to get your health on track…
…there are sure to be OBSTACLES. And many of them.
Some of those obstacles will appear in the form of friends, family (and even strangers) whose well-meaning advice and opinions causes us to stop in our tracks and to doubt the path we’re on.
But often we’re the ones ourselves who seem determined to get in our own way.
Maybe it has to do with fear of success. Or fear of failure.
Or maybe it has something to do with the sense of unworthiness that so many women seem to experience. So many of us don’t REALLY believe that we deserve for everything to work out for us. Or don’t believe that we have what it takes to see our dreams through to fruition.
And so, just as we’re beginning to make progress with those goals that are so important to us, we fall back.
We fall back into the familiar, well-worn habits, the comfort of where we were not so long ago.
And in momentarily losing our grasp on our goals and dreams, we take hold again of the feeling that we can never make it work. And so give ourselves permission to stop trying.
It’s a process that you possibly know well. I know I do!
It’s not pretty. There’s nothing inspiring about it (except in the overcoming of it!)
And unfortunately, recognizing self-sabotage for what it is doesn’t guarantee that you won’t continue to repeat the process.
My own glaringly obvious experience of self-sabotage (for this week!) happened only a few days ago.
For two nights, I’d worked on finally beginning to clear the paper piles that seem to have made a permanent home for themselves on our family room floor.
The papers in these several piles are mostly related to my hubby’s business – with a few personal bills and school notices, and a number of books, also hiding in there somewhere.
These piles have been a daily reminder to me of the ‘To-do’s’ that are currently overwhelming and of the constant tug-of-war between those things I ‘have to’ do, the things I ‘should’ do and the many things I love and truly want to do.
So with a goal in mind of having at least one room in the house where home is separated from business, I spent several hours sorting, tossing and creating a filing system that I was incredibly proud of.
But more than that, creating space. Clear floor. And a huge feeling of relief that I was on my way towards my goal.
I’m ashamed to admit what happened next, but maybe you’ve had a similar experience and will understand!
When a delivery truck turned up at our back door, with 40 boxes of newly printed books to drop off, I was surprised. This was the first driver to ever bring books around to the back entrance of our house – the door that opens onto our kitchen and family room.
I could’ve asked him to take the car around to the front of the house. (The front room and entrance are so full of books at the moment that we’d hardly notice another forty boxes in there.)
I actually considered it. There was a split second of awareness there, a moment when I made a choice: “No, don’t say anything. Just let him bring them in here”.
I think I even knew at the time that my decision was about to sabotage all my best efforts to create my one work-free room in the house.
And still, I chose not to speak up.
I now have a few less paper piles on the family room floor. And 6 piles of boxes in front of the kitchen bench!
On my journey towards achieving my goal, it’s a setback. Not a disaster, mind you. And I have learned something valuable from the experience. But I now not only have paper piles to clear, I have a whole lot of boxes to move as well.
I keep thinking of the Law of Attraction idea that if you throw out the clothes you don’t love and don’t wear in your closet, you’ll be making room for more to come your way.
I wonder if I sent the Universe the wrong message!
But I suspect it’s really a whole lot more about the messages I’m sending myself.
And so this week, I’ll be reminding myself that my dreams and goals, the things that feel important to me ARE important. Those things are worth fighting for, worth standing up and speaking out for.
Even when it’s myself that I need to stand up to!
What about you? What’s your experience of self-sabotage? Are you aware when you do it, or do you realize later what you’ve done? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!